dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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