***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Randomize
