i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You made out with two different species that night
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
