i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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