Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
