I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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