Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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