Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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