do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
