i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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