so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Randomize
