Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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