Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
