I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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