Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
