This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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