Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
