I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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