I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
