I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
