I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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