the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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