Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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