Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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