Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
