This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
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Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
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Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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