Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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