we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
