I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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