Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
you're hired as official boob wrangler
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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