I got chris browned last night
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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