So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
