i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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