I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
