idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
