Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize