I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
