Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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