The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
