life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
