Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
