remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
