mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
