I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
