my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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