I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize