he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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