i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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