I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
