She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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