is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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