umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
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"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.