and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.