I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?