the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.