He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
