I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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