Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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