Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You left your phone here
Wait...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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