oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
