i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
