Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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