i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
