I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
