and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
