I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
