oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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