Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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